The Truth-Machine of Gilly-Goo

The Count of the Wobbleygooks

I help you, you help me, and then we both see, That a world that is fixed is the best place to be. Life is a team sport, we’re all on the field, and the truth is the power that makes the best yield. It isn't just nice, and it isn't just sweet, It's the smartest way possible to stand on your feet.

In the center of town, where the Snaggle-Vines grow, Stands a Great Gilly-Machine, all a-gleam and a-glow! It hummed with a whistle! It whirred with a thump! Producing the Fizz-Juice that makes your heart jump! It puffed out the Puff-Pills! It clinked out the Toys! For all of the Gilly-Goo girls and the boys.

But this Great Gilly-Engine, so shiny and vast, Needs a very specific and special breakfast. It doesn’t eat crackers! It doesn’t eat cheese! It eats Only-True-Things, if you please, if you please! It needs the exact count of Snallywag-Socks, And the "Ground Truth" of pebbles inside of your box.

Young Pip was the Player in charge of the Count, To tell the Machine the exact right amount. He’d count every Wobbleygook, green, blue, and red, Then whisper the number right into its head. "Six Wobbleys today!" he would shout with a grin, And the Fizz-Juice would pour from the spout to the bin.

But one Tuesday morning, while counting the Goo, Pip tripped on his shoelace and dropped a, oops... Two! Two Wobbleygooks tumbled! They rolled down the hill! They splashed in the river and sat very still. Now Pip had a problem. His count was quite wrong. (And the Machine needs the Truth to keep humming its song).

"If I tell the team," Pip thought with a sigh, "They’ll know I’m a stumbler! They’ll know I’m that guy! They’ll pause the whole game, read maintenance books, And give me those 'Oh-Pip-You-Clumsy-Oaf' looks." So he looked at the Engine, and whispered a lie: "The count is still Six!" with a wink of his eye.

He thought he was clever! He thought he was fast! He thought that his "Fiction" would certainly last. He’d saved his own face! He’d stayed on the track! But he’d put a big hole in the team’s Gilly-Goo-Sack...

Dot’s Helpful Drip-Drop

Now Dot was the Player on the very next base, With a Gilly-Goo wrench and a smile on her face. Her job was to polish the Wobbleygook Shells, And ring all the Gilly-Goo Gongs and the Bells. She waited for Six, as the Engine went clink, But she only saw Four... which made young Dot blink.

"That’s funny," said Dot, "Pip whispered for Six, But there’s only these Four for my wrenches to fix! If I tell the team that the count is quite low, The Gilly-Goo Game will be dreadfully slow. Poor Pip will feel silly, his face will turn red, And the 'Team' will have chores and go late to their bed."

So Dot, being 'kind' in a way that was wrong, Decided to help the Machine get along. She took some old Snallywag-Socks from a pile, And stuffed them in Wobbleygook Shells with a smile! She made the Four look like a Six-pack of Goo, By adding some fluff and a little bit of glue.

"There now!" whispered Dot, "I have fixed the mistake! I’ve saved us some time! I have lowered the brake! The team is still winning! The game is still fast! My helpful Little-Fiction will certainly last."

But the Gilly-Machine gave a rattle and cough, And a Gilly-Goo gear-bolt came tumbling off. The Fizz-Juice turned grey, like a puddle of mud, And the Gilly-Goo Gongs gave a hollow-type thud. Because Dot had been 'nice' to save Pip from some shame, She’d added Sunk-Cost to the Gilly-Goo game!

The socks gummed the gears! The glue gunked the wheels! (You can’t imagine how bad a Gilly-Engine feels). By 'fixing' the lie with a lie of her own, The seeds of a System-Wide-Failure were sown.

The Huddle and the Radical Audit

The Coach (the wise Goose) raised a webbed-foot on high, And looked every Gilly-Goo kid in the eye. "Wait! Stop!" cried the Coach, "Blame’s not the game! Nobody wins if we name and we shame! This failure is big, not one little mistake, Problems cascade before everything breaks."

"It isn't just Pip! And it isn't just Dot! It’s the way that we played with the data we got! We hid all the wobbles! We polished the rust! And now our Great Engine is nothing but dust. If you want to be Winners, if you want to be Teams, You have to give Truth to the Gilly-Machine's beams!"

Pip stepped to the front, with his head held up high, (For a Sovereign Player has no use for a lie). "I dropped two green Gooks! I was clumsy and slow! And I whispered a Six just to keep up the show." Dot stepped up beside him, "And I saw the Four! But I stuffed in some socks just to open the door."

They didn't feel small, and they didn't feel bad, (Though the Gilly-Goo park was still gloomy and sad). They felt like a Team with a job to get done, To clean out the Sunk-Cost so they’d have some fun!

They pulled out the fluff! They scraped out the glue! They fished out the socks (which were smelly and blue). They performed a Great Audit, they checked every gear, Until every "Fiction" was gone from the sphere. They didn't just 'sorry', they worked on the core, Until the Ground Truth was just the same as the score.

Then Pip counted Four. Just a plain, simple Four. And the Gilly-Machine gave a happy-type roar! The Fizz-Juice poured out! It was purple and bright! And the Gilly-Goo park was a beautiful sight!

"Life is a team sport!" the Gilly-Goose cried, "With no silly fictions or secrets to hide! When you play for the Truth, and you play for the Team, The world works much better than even your dreams!"

The Lorax: A History of Silicon Valley

This is adapted from ‘The Lorax’ by the Great Dr. Seuss. If you have not read his work, please do. His stories teach beautiful lessons through the use of whimsy and wonder.

I love Dr. Seuss, so this is a thing I do. If you like it, there are links to others at the end. I make no guarantees as to the freshness of the content.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.

Dr. Seuss 'The Lorax'
  At the far end of tech 
 where the products are sold
 and the wind smells of sandwiches delivered half-cold,
 where no roadmap is ever delivered when told…
 is the street of the Lifted Lorax.
  
 And deep in that end, some people say, 
 if you look deep enough you can still see, today, 
 where the Lorax once stood
 just as long as it could
 before somebody lifted the Lorax away.
 What was the Lorax? 
 And why was it there? 
 And why was it lifted and taken somewhere 
 from the far end of town where the products are sold? 
 The old Once-ler still lives here.
 Ask him. He knows.
  
 You won’t see the Once-ler.
 Don’t look for his booth.
 He stays in his mansion, alone with his things,
 where he drinks cold-pressed juice
 that someone else brings.
 And on rare occasions, out of the blue,
 he tweets
 out a message
 he often repeats
 and tells how the Lorax was lifted away.
  
 He’ll tell you, perhaps…
 If you’re willing to pay.
  
 He’ll send you a link
 to an app where you lay
 one third of your equity, then sign
 NDA
 of course, he will say
 it’s always this way.
    
 He then checks the app
 triple checks the amount
 to ensure he owns you
 that you can’t dismount.
  
 Then he adds what you paid him
 to the piles of cash
 some used for the mortgage
 the rest wipe his ass.
  
 He slacks, “I will ping you by video call,
 While out on my yacht, with crappy sig-nal.
  
 BLURRP!
 The blurps of his call, ring loud in your ear
 and the old Once-ler’s voice is not at all clear,
 since he’s out on the water on cell-phone connection
 choppy and garbled,
 This makes him sound
 quite verbally hobbled.
  
 “Now I’ll tell you.” He says, with his ego displayed,
 “how the Lorax got lifted and taken away…
  
 It all started way back…
 such a long, long time back…
  
 Way back in the days when “The Valley” was green
 and orchards spread far
 for a beautiful scene,
 and a house could be bought by a regular Jane…
 one morning I came to this place I remain.
 And I first saw the schools!
 Stanford and Berkley
 their talent you see!
 So much innovation, but money was lacking,
 an untapped resource, for someone like me.
  
 Between them a freeway Junipero Serra
 with a great halfway point up above Santa Clara
 where Sand Hill Road sat, doing just fine, in a soon to die era.
  
 From the nearby South bay
 came cool morning breezes
 which moistened the fruit
 as it hung in the treeses.
  
 But that talent! Those brains!
 Those smart engineers!
 All my life I’ve been searching
 seeking to obtain
 a resource like this
 that I could abuse.
 A resource I’d care about,
 If I’d read Dr. Seuss.
  
 My heart leapt with joy,
 I’d be an investor!
 I leased a small space
 Near an old shopping center
  
 With GREAT BRAINS AND SKILL, plus some damn lucky timing, 
 We started to watch, our net-worth start climbing.
 In no time at all, I had built a small group
 so I cut down an orchard, at the end of the loop.
  
 The moment I’d finished, I heard W-T-F!
 I looked.
 Something popped out of a plum that had struck
 the ground next to where the last tree lay dead,
 His looks were as strange as the things that he said.
  
 He was small. He was old.
 Had a drawl and was bossy.
 He looked straight on over
 Like he didn’t even know me.
  
 “Douche bag! He said, with a stern knowing tone,
 “I am the Lorax. I speak for what’s grown.
 I speak for what’s grown and warn of what comes!
 And I demand to know, what you’ve done to my plums”-
 He was winded and red; his anger was showing.
 “Why the hell would you destroy, all the things that are growing!”
  
 “Look bro” I said. “No need to get pissy.
 It’s one little orchard. No one will miss. See?
 I’m saving the world. This thing is a network.
 To connect all the people, he said as he smirked.
 It’s a book. It’s a phone. It’s music! It’s apps!
 But it has more to offer than all of that crap!
 You can use it for ads and make tons of money!
 Selling people like products while they use a freebie”
  
               The Lorax replied,
               “Dude, your ego is large, so this may just sting.
               There is no one on earth
               who would need such a thing.
  
 Just as my mouth opened to say “go-to-hell”
 around the corner came AOL,
 they thought this web would be great for a buck.
 They hired some people and backed up a truck.
  
 I clowned the old Lorax, “You stupid old man!
 You’ll never quite get, what we just began!”
  
 “I repeat cried the Lorax,
 I speak for what’s grown!”
  
 “You’re expired. I told him.
 “Go retire in peace.”
  
 I ran for the phone, in those days they plugged in,
 I put in quick calls to nephews and cousins.
 I called all my friends, my college frat buddies
 said here’s the scoop, lets go make some monies!
 We’re going to make the old world move forwards!
 Get over here fast, take the road through the orchards,
 Turn left when there’s strip malls instead of more woods.
  
 And in no time at all,
 the cement was flowing,
 buildings and car lots sprung up in quick fashion,
 concrete and rebar were doing the growing.
 We ‘innovated’
 and we stayed very busy,
 with two maybe three drinks at lunches
 wining and dining,
 betting millions on hunches.
  
 Then…
 Hello, there, hello!
 How the money did flow!
 We needed more buildings
 more car lots
 more blow!
  
 So we cleared orchards with speed
 driven purely by greed.
 We were changing the world
 this was progress we said.
 And that Lorax?...
 We guessed he was dead.
  
 The very next month
 a knock at the door
 open it up, and he’s standing there.
  
 He bellowed, “I’m the Lorax, I speak for what grows,
 Which you are destroying, wherever it shows.
 But I’m also in charge of the birds and the bees
 Who live on the fruit of these orchard trees
 and gorge on the nectar and fruit as they please.”
  
 “Because of your buildings, your car lots, and malls
 there’s not enough food for the winter and falls.
 My poor birds and bees and dying in droves
 the rest are out searching for new homes and new groves.”
  
 “This was paradise to them, but now they must go.
 They require new orchards where their families can grow.
 Good luck my fine friends,” he said as he hung his head low.
  
 I, the Once-ler, felt something
 As I watched them all go.
 BUT…
 Money I worship!
 And I’ve got plenty of blow.
 Who needs birds anyway? I drive a Lambo.
  
 It wasn’t intentional. I didn’t want that.
 But bigger is better when wallets are fat.
 I biggered my bets. I biggered my tech.
 I biggered my campuses. I biggered my head.
 Our tech started shipping, all over the globe
 from Bangkok to Paris and back to Latrobe.
 So I kept on biggering… selling more tech.
 And I biggered my wealth, with each inbound check.
  
 Then there he was, the Lorax was back
 That angry old coot with more shit that was whack.
  
 “I am the Lorax,” he choked through a cough.
 Clearing his throat he readied a scoff.
 “Once-ler!” He roared, with the rasp of his age.
 “Once-ler! The air’s filled with smog. Disengage!
 My poor lotis butterfly, well they can’t see their way.
 At this rate we’ll lose sight of the sun through the day.
  
 “And so,” said the Lorax,
 “-please pardon my tone
 They can’t survive here.
 I’ve sent them off to places unknown.”
  
 “Where will they end?...
 I don’t comprehend.”
  
 “They may have to fly for week upon week
 To get away from you, and the smog that you leak.”
  
 “But worse,” cried the Lorax, his neck hair stood up.
 “Let me say a few words about this f’ng slop.
 Your plants are dumping this shit without stop.
 They build your chips and out this stuff pops.
 And what do you do with this poo smelling goo?
 I’ll show you, you self-entitled boy-man you!”
  
 “You’re killing the lakes where the Lake Splittail fish swims!
 No more can they frolic and live out their whims.
 So I’ve ordered them off. Their future is bleak.
 They’ll wander on land, flip-flopping and weak
 searching for water without oil streaks.”
  
 And then I got angry.
 So shakingly angry.
 I yelled at the Lorax, “Now listen here, Pops!
 All you do is whine, and scream Stop! Stop! Stop!
 Well, I have my liberty, sir, and I’ll tell you
 I intend to keep doing what I want to do!
 And! For your information, you Lorax, I’m going to keep biggering
               And BIGGERING
                             And BIGGERING
                                          And BIGGERING,
 Turning orchards into lots for engineers cars
 to build more tech we can trade for gold bars!”
  
 And at that very moment, we heard a loud sound!
 Outside in the orchards a tree hit the ground.
 The final fruit tree did finally fall.
 The orchards were gone, once and for all.
  
 No room. No more boom. No work to be done.
 So, in no time, my friends, nephews, cousins, every one,
 Threw up two fingers as they hopped in my cars,
 Peace out, they said as the tires burned tar. 
  
 Now all that was left was a bad smelling sky
 Office buildings, parking lots…
 the Lorax…
 and I.
  
 The Lorax said nothing. Stared through my soul…
 his stare said to me, what he saw wasn’t whole…
 as he rose to get going, his mood black as coal.
 I’ll never forget that look on his face
 when he stood one last time, to take leave of this place,
 this Garden of Eden, that I had erased.
  
 And all that the Lorax left here in this mess
 Was a pile of rocks, with one word…
 “Unless.”
 Whatever that meant, well, I just couldn’t guess.
  
 It’s ancient history now.
 But I’ve thought of it lots.
 Worried, and muddled
 to untangle the plot. 
 While Silicon Valley crumbled away
 I’ve tried to make sense
 I’ve worried, I’ve wondered,
 and not just for legal defense.
  
 “But now,” says the Once-ler,
 “Now that you’re here,
 The word of the Lorax seems perfectly clear.
 UNLESS someone like you
 Cares a whole awful lot,
 Nothing is going to get better.
 It’s not.
  
 “So…
 Listen!” cries the Once-ler
 “I’ve sent you a seed
 in it you’ll find the hope that you need.
 It’s the last of its kind, so treat it as such
 there’s no other thing, the world needs this much.
 Plant it somewhere bleak and dreary
 Feed it, water it, and in theory
 The hope will grow big and strong
 and one day the Lorax will come back along. 

The App on the Crap (An SDN Story)

I’m feeling Seussish again and looking to tackle SDN this time.  If you missed my first go it was on Hadoop: Horton Hears Hadoop.  Here’s another run:

 

The app could not flow

Net was too slow to change.

It sat on the server

Waiting on admin for change.

 

It sat there quite idly

Customers did too

The dev thought, “How I wish

They’d let my app through!”

 

Too slow to adapt

Too rigid and strict.

The business can’t move.

And that’s my verdict.

 

So all they could do was to

Sit!

   Sit!

      Sit!

         Sit!

The dev did not like it.

Not one little bit.

 

And then

Someone spoke UP!

How that speech gave us PUMP!

 

We listened!

And we heard it move into the hype!

We listened!

A network of SDN type!

The message quite clear,

“You’ve got no need to gripe.”

 

“I know it is slow

and the network is messy.

There is a fix

With software that’s dressy!”

 

“I know some good tricks we can use,”

SDN gal said.

“A header or two,”

Said the gal with the plan.

“Controllers as well.

I will show them to you.

Your CTO

Will not mind if I do.”

 

Then app and dev

Did not know what to say.

The CTO was out playing golf

For the day.

 

But the net admin said, “No!

Make that gal go away!

"Tell the SDN gal

You do NOT want to play.

She should not be here.

She should not be about.

She should not be here

When the CTO is out!”

 

“Now! Now! Have no fear.

Have no fear!” Said the gal.

“My tricks are not bad,”

Said the SDN gal.

“Why you’ll have

So many options from me,

With some tricks that I call

Virtualization you see!”

 

“Stop this nonsense!” admin said.

“We don’t need to scale!

Stop this nonsense!” Admin said.

“The net cannot fail!”

 

“Have no fear!” said the gal.

“I will not let net fail.

I will make it dynamic

And people will hail.

Its changes are quick!

It grows very fast!

But there is much more it can do!”

 

“Look at it!

Look at it now said the gal.”

“With a new overlay

And control from a pal!

It can adapt very fast!

It’s managed quite nicely!

The scale is much greater!

And admin less dicey!

And look!

You can change flows from here!

But there is more dear!

Oh, no.

There is more dear…

 

“Look at it!

Look at it!

Look at it now!

It’s better you see

But you have to know how.

How it can adapt

And respond to new apps!

How it grows to scale!

And helps those dev chaps!

Can grow past those VLANs

And direct traffic, see!

We wrap Layer two

In Layer three IP!

And we route the IP!

As we grow big from small!

But that is not all.

Oh, no.

That is not all….”

 

That’s what the gal said…

Then the net went dead!

The apps all went down

From out at the NOC.

The developers,

Watched with eyes open in shock!

 

And the admin cried out.

With a loud angry shot!

He said, “Do I like this?

Oh no! I do not.

This is not a good trick,”

Said the admin with grit.

“no I don’t like it,

Not one little bit!”

 

“Now look what you did!”

Said admin to gal.

“Now look at this net!

Look at this mess now pal!

You brought down the apps,

Crashed services too

You cost us some sales

And caused lost revenue.

You SHOULD NOT be here

When the CTOs not.

Get out of the data center!”

Admin said from his spot.

 

“But I like to be here.

Oh, I like it a lot”

Said the SDN girl

To the admin she shot.

“I will not go away.

I do not wish to go!

And so,” said the SDN girl,

“So

    So

       So…

I will show you

Another good trick that I know!”

 

And then she ran out.

And, then fast as a fox,

The SDN gal

Came back with a box.

 

A big green wood box.

It was shut with a hook.

“Now look at this trick,”

Said the gal.

“Take a look!”

 

Then she got up on top

And with no rationale.

“I call this game SDN-IN-A-BOX,”

Said the gal.

“In this box are four things

I will show to you now.

You will like these four things.”

Said the gal with a bow.

 

“I will pick up the hook.

You will see something new.

Four things. And I call them

The SDN glue.

These things will not harm you.

They want to move frames.”

Then, out of the box

Came her SDN claims!

And they came out quite fast.

They said, “Are you ready?

Now should we get started

Let’s get going already!”

 

The devs and the apps

Did not know what to do.

So they sat and they watched

Watched the SDN glue.

They stood in their shock

But the admin said “No!

Those things should not be

On this net! Make them go!”

 

“They should not be here

When the CTOs not!

Put them out! Put them out!”

Admin yelled with a shot.

 

“Have no fear, Mr. admin,”

Said the SDN gal.

“These things are good things

And good for morale.”

“They’re great.  Oh so great!

They have come to fix things.

They will give back control

To the network today.”

 

“The first is an overlay,

Number two a vSwitch

But that’s only halfway.”

Was the gals latest pitch.

 

“We’ll next need control

For the flows as they go.

Something to manage

Those flows as they flow.

But there’s still one more piece

Of this SDN madness.

Device management system

To avoid admin sadness.”

 

Then the SDN gal

Said with conviction

“We aren’t quite done yet

There’s one more restriction.

We must tie these together

In a cohesive fashion,

If we do not

It’s all stormy weather.

We will organize things

With apps at the center

And let those developers

For once spread their wings.”

 

“You see in the past,”

Said the SDN gal.

“The net was restrictive

the apps were in hell.

Now we change things around

Put the apps back in focus.

Using these tricks,

And some good hocus pocus.

With a sprinkle of tears

From the unicorn clan,

And a dash of fine dust

A pixie put in this can.

We’ll accomplish the task.”

SDN gal said as she drank from her flask.

 

And lo and behold,

The network sprang back.

The packets were flowing,

TCP sent it’s ACK.

The admin stood shocked,

As he used the controller.

With this type of thing,

He would be the high roller!

He gaped in amazement

At the tenancy scale.

No longer 4000,

It was net holy grail.

 

The apps back online,

As CTO entered.

A disaster avoided, he was left with no sign.

Of the mess that had happened,

While he was out and about.

But the faint sound of snoring

SDN girl drunk and passed out.

Horton Hears Hadoop

I'm feeling Seuss-ish so here goes (Line 1 and 2 by Ken Oestreich @fountnhead.)

Of this poem you should first realize, of course,

Is based on Big Data, and code open-source.

On disk that was spinning sat data quite large

So much that in fact it would fill up a barge.

This data had value.  To realize it hard.

The data named Horton.  His contents were barred.

You see to run queries, we needed some help,

Then one day from Yahoo came a very faint yelp.

I've got it said Yahoo, we call it Hadoop!

Just give us a minute, we'll give you the scoop.

With this new fangled tool, value we'll recoup.

So Horton sat patient, while Yahoo did tell.

Of a man named Doug Cutting, here we will dwell.

Horton, you are so large your values obtuse.

But we can fix that, with a tool MapReduce.

This tool comes from Google, it's really quite great.

With it and Apache, your value awaits.

We'll take your large size, distribute it broadly.

Place it on servers, with scale of an army.

Each will have data that sits there quite local.

Data divided and sent as a parcel.

You see with this method my very large friend.

We'll run great queries watch your value transcend.

Task Trackers / Data Nodes will do all the work.

You'll be the big hero, no longer the jerk.

With Name Node in charge of tracking the data.

Job Tracker oversees slaves alpha to zeta.

The workload is spread, we parallel process.

To make some sense of this big data nonsense.

With the power of scale, the smallest of all,

Can still have a seat at the processing ball.

They'll all work in tandem to help sort you out.

And this my friend, is what Hadoop is about.